I was sitting at the bar at my favorite local Italian restaurant in Puerto Viejo, sipping a Negroni out of a large wine glass with two orange slices in it, three olives on a giant skewer, and a big straw.
Interesting Negroni, if you’re a Negroni drinker.
Eh, I was never a big fan of the word “moderate,” anyway, so why not throw 100 garnishes on there? 😉
I struck up a conversation with the chef’s wife, and we quickly got to the topic of why I’m here and what I do.
As I told her I was a health coach + copywriter running my business remotely, she retreated a bit, backing away. “Wow, that’s ideal,” she said, wide-eyed.
To me, it felt like her reaction signified that what I was doing felt impossible to her, and separated me from her. It felt like I had thrown a wrench into what was feeling like a genuine connection.
This was entirely my perception, and it could’ve been 100% wrong.
But the important part is that it reminded me of a belief so many people hold, including my previous self…
That you can’t want what you want because…
– you were conditioned to believe you had to work 40+ hours in an office to earn a good income, so you suffer through work every day and don’t dare to start your own business
– a doctor said you have a slow metabolism and it’s really hard for you to lose weight, so you’ve given up on your body goals altogether, or you’re enslaved to a strict diet that’s not even working
– your teacher in 8th grade told you you’re not good at science so you shouldn’t go to med school, so you abandoned your dream of becoming an integrative doctor
… these are all common beliefs that can be changed.
When we don’t allow ourselves to want what we want, we get really wound up and frustrated.
We live our lives in “moderation,” playing by the rules that were laid out for us early on. Our desires fester inside us instead of being released and actualized.
We end up…
– binging on a jar of peanut butter after being “good” all day
– snapping at the barista because deep down, we’re dissatisfied and grumpy
– self-sabotaging by drinking too much and putting ourselves out for a day
On the other hand, when we simply allow ourselves to want what we want and go after it, we’re calm, satisfied, and most likely, successful.
Now, why did I internalize this moment with the chef’s wife as her being intimidated or jealous?
Why did I feel like it was a reflection of her not allowing herself to want what she wants?
As a kid I was repeatedly told that people were jealous of me.
Whenever a catty fight would happen at school (often), whichever family member or school counselor was consoling me would almost always say something along the lines of “they’re just jealous of you.”
It was intended to make me feel better, but it actually created a lot of separation and disconnection between me and… everyone else, in my little 10-year-old mind. A feeling that I was different and better… which of course, was not and is not true.
I work daily to rewire that belief and I’ve come very far.
Most recently I’ve been doing Lacy Phillip’s programs (Free + Native), and LOVING them. So effective.
In these moments, like with the chef’s wife, stay still. Let the moment happen. Don’t try to backtrack, apologize, or minimize the awesome thing you’re doing.
Let the other person have their experience, and stay in yours. Breathe.
No one is bad or wrong here – reactions just have to do with each person’s conditioning.
Stay present, receptive, and non-judgmental.
You can want what you want, unapologetically, and so can everyone else.
And when we create the conditions to thrive and take in-flow action by nourishing ourselves, we can create anything we want.
That’s the weekly theme y’all…
I can want what I want, unapologetically.
How can we put this into practice?
1. Name it.
Name your deepest held desire you’ve been hesitant to admit. Write it down and share it with three people close to you.
2. Stop self-sabotaging.
What’s the one way you self-sabotage that needs to shift? Most of us are aware of it but not ready to let it go.
Let it go.
3. Move your energy and take action.
Exercise daily to process fear and anxiety, then take action from that clear place. Stay receptive to the opportunities around you, even if it’s just a conversation at a coffee shop. Be open.
What do you need to do this week to want what you want?
Maybe you need to allow yourself to eat carbs so you don’t feel deprived and end up binging. Or perhaps you need to write an email or make a phone call that will move your career forward. It will differ for everyone, depending where you’re at in your own individual process.
What one step will you take this week to want what you want, unapologetically?
Screw moderation – go big, love.
I’m cheering you on, always.