I still get overwhelmed with satisfaction and joy when I get Facebook messages, comments and emails from people saying a blog post entirely changed the way they look at food.

I also love love love getting questions from you.
I got a GREAT question from a beloved reader recently and I think most people are probably wondering it too as we head into the holiday season.

Question: What about family obligations [in relation to food]? That’s a BIG one for me, showing up when I HAVE to even when I don’t want to and it always involves eating what they have when it’s not my diet at all.

Answer: This is a fantastic question, and I immediately thought of the upcoming holidays, so I want to use that frame to answer this. Since this is the time we have the most food put in front of us, it will be super helpful to use this lens.

Here’s the bottom line: If you’re not taking care of yourself by feeding your body what it needs, you can’t fully show up and connect with your loved ones. We have to fill up our own tanks first.

It’s a big mistake to withhold your food needs from people, especially those who love you.

You’re not doing anyone a favor by hiding who you are and what you need. Your honesty and directness gives other people permission to ask for what they need too.

Imagine you set out on a 10 mile hike with no good snacks. Don’t you think you’d get pretty cranky pretty fast? Same goes for family gatherings.

Whether you’re being bombarded with food you don’t want to eat and end up overdoing it because you feel pressure or not eating enough because you don’t have good options, you’re gonna get pissed off. And that energy is going to translate and make everything feel tense.

When you get the food you need, your blood sugar is regulated and you feel much calmer and happier. It’s emotional, but it’s also science.

Here are four great frames to remember when you’re going into a food-centric gathering, especially around the holidays:

1. Be kind. This isn’t the time to start shaming other people for their choices or getting on your high horse about food. Stay in a place of love and ask for what you need from there.
2. Be honest. Don’t tiptoe around your needs, or wrap up what you’re actually trying to say in a proverbial web of modifying words. Be calm, loving and direct, and invite others to do the same.
3. Be open. It’s easy to feel ashamed or like we’re “too much” for wanting what we know we need and desire. Instead of curling up into a ball because you feel different, stay open and receptive and share your needs from that place.
4. Take care of yourself. If family members eat totally different from you, they might not even know where to start when it comes to making dishes that work for you. Make it a little easier for them by contributing a couple delicious dishes. Acknowledge that taking care of yourself is an act of love that’s worth the prep time. Everyone around you will feel it. Self-love is contagious.

As you get real about your needs from moment to moment rather than glazing over them or pushing them under the bed, you gain renewed energy and a fresh outlook.

Everything gets really calm and easy.

It’s like wiping the slate clean and taking the trash out rather than holding everything in and pushing your feelings down until you explode.

Yes, the holidays are about joy and love and authentic giving, but they can bring on a lot of stress for many people, and for good reason.

So try out these four mental-emotional frames and see if and how they affect your experience with family gatherings, the holidays, and food.

How do you handle the holidays? Are you purely excited? Stressed? A little of both?

Leave a comment below and tell me.

I can’t wait to hear from you.