Getting triggered during the holidays does not make you inadequate, unworthy, or less evolved than you thought you were.
Being with your family can be the most wonderful and challenging thing in the world.
That doesn’t make your family as a whole inadequate, unworthy, or less evolved, either.
Having the capacity to be with a wide range of emotions without allowing them to make you bad or wrong or a failure is what allows you to grow.
Today I want to share a few tools you can use to enjoy this warm, cozy, special time of the year without numbing out through food and alcohol.
1. Identify the feeling in the moment.
Difficult feelings magnify when they’re ignored or minimized.
Name your feelings – mentally, on a piece of paper, or with someone you feel safe with – as soon as you notice them.
Give yourself space to feel and process them through journaling, talking with a friend, or simply allowing yourself to be sad in bed with Netflix for a couple hours.
Your feelings are there to show you your emotional capacity and strength.
To move through them they need to be felt completely, rather than rushed out.
2. Communicate early.
If you find yourself in a challenging situation and you know you need to say something, and you feel safe doing so, say it early on.
Do not let it bubble and boil.
Try to separate the current situation from past events and feelings that could feel connected. Keep it clean and in the present tense.
By communicating early you can have conscious discussions rather than heated blow-ups.
3. Support your nervous system.
You’ll feel cozier and happier in your body if your nervous system knows you’re safe. Ramp up the meditation, kundalini, dancing, FUN exercise, hot baths, and orgasms.
All these things engage the relaxation response (parasympathetic nervous system), making you feel calmer, happier, and more able to respond rather than react.
4. Be proactive about blood sugar.
Keeping your blood sugar stable is another tool that will help you feel fundamentally safe in your body.
When blood sugar dips most people get edgy and reactive. When it’s stable you feel happier, calmer, and more present.
To keep your blood sugar balanced, eat breakfast within an hour of waking up, before caffeine. Try protein, greens, complex carbs, and healthy fats. Get a decent amount of salt in there, too.
I love doing eggs with roasted sweet potatoes and steamed greens, drizzled with olive oil, salt, and pepper, or an omelette with cheddar, veggies, and long-fermented sourdough toast and grass-fed butter.
Have your tea or coffee afterward.
Throughout the day make sure you’re eating that combo of protein, complex carbs, veggies, and fats every 3-4 hours.
Keep hydration up, and add a little pink Himalayan salt to your water if you’re feeling low energy. Great for mood, too.
These are general ACTIVATE by Lula guidelines – do what you know works best for your body. Just make sure you’re hydrating and getting nourishment in at least 3 times a day.
5. Add pleasure.
The holidays often come with a lot of obligations. Fill up YOUR tank first by making sure you do one thing you find genuinely fun every day.
Whether it’s a hot bath, self-pleasure session, reading an entertaining fiction book, or watching a goofy Netflix episode, let yourself have it and don’t make it wrong.
You can get back to the family event afterward, and you’ll feel much happier and more present.
6. Give yourself an outlet.
Have an ally outside your family to talk to over the holidays. Maybe it’s your best friend.
Set aside time for you both to share what’s going on without giving each other advice, unless one of you explicitly asks for it.
Creating this space to unpack feelings will make everything feel lighter and softer around the edges. Even if it’s a quick 15 minutes, get your vent on.
7. Let yourself off the hook.
The holidays are a time to chill the f*ck out and enjoy yourself.
Even if you do nothing suggested here and end up having four million fights over the holidays, let yourself off the hook.
Do the best you can given what you’ve integrated, which is so different from what you know on an intellectual level.
There is no value in beating yourself up. It sends your body into stress mode and makes it really hard to feel good and show up for yourself and others.
No matter what you eat, do, or don’t do, hating on yourself is never worth it.
We cannot grow or make sustainable changes from a place of self-disgust. Self-love is a prerequisite for any goal.
By supporting our bodies and practicing honest communication we can feel more relaxed, have more fun, and build deeper relationships over the holidays.
Everyone’s at a different place with their loved ones: Some of us feel safe to be very transparent with our feelings, and some of us need to share less for now.
It’s ok if you feel disconnected during this time of year – shutting down feelings is a mechanism that serves to protect us when we sense danger.
Wherever you’re at – from sharing every emotion with your fam to sharing nothing – these tools will support you to have a softer and more loving experience.
Sending you so much love.