I recently asked a guy to cook me dinner. Does that sound weird or scary to you? Most people I’ve mentioned it to give me some variety of “shocked” face. Originally, I had invited him over for dinner. When the week rolled around, I was feeling exhausted, like I wanted to be held and rocked like a little baby. Yep, all 100-something pounds of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to cook for people, clearly. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than biking to the farmer’s market, pouring myself a glass of wine, leisurely cooking someone a meal, then watching them enjoy it fully. What happens after is totally up to you, but there are a few things I can think of that perfectly complement any meal.

There you have it – my perfect afternoon/evening; the key to my heart. It’s pretty simple, but not always easy.
 
So, what could possibly put me off cooking up a beautiful meal? Well, if I simply don’t have the time or energy to fully devote myself to the process and enjoy it, it’s better that I don’t do it at all. I like to keep my energy pure and whole, and put all of myself into everything I do.
 
It’s important to know when to dole it out, and when to gratefully accept it.
 
Energy management is one of the best tools I’ve learned in the past few years. If you’re working 14 hour days, taking five dance classes a week, celebrating a birthday or holiday every month and writing a book, it might not be the best time to cook dinner – no matter how much you like the guy –  and that’s ok.
 
It’s important to be honest with yourself and ask people for things in a gentle way. When I asked this guy to cook me dinner, I kept it light, was honest, and simply asked him to be our fierce guide this time around (wink). I already knew he loved cooking – I wasn’t totally putting him on the spot. I’m a nice girl, really.
 
So, with so much chatter (positive or negative) in our heads and lots of stimulation coming at us every day, how can we tell what’s “normal”? How do we know when to give? How can we avoid empty robot giving?
 
First of all, obliterate “normal” from your vocab, cause it doesn’t exist. We all have completely unique needs and skills when it comes to giving. Honor yourself.
 
If you genuinely know when you should give, you’ll give much more wholly and authentically, rather than just going on autopilot. Who wants that?
 
Signs that you can give:

1. You wake up refreshed and energized. This is a sign you’re not just sleeping the right number of hours, but also getting deep, quality sleep.

2. You’re glowing. When your skin is radiant, it’s a sign that your body’s working properly and not under too much stress. What’s outside reflects what’s inside.

3. Your digestion is ace. If you’re going at least once or twice a day (yep) and it’s a full, solid movement, that’s a great sign of health and stamina.

4. You feel space in your day. If you have some room to linger and really feel into your daily activities, it means you’ve set a beautiful pace for yourself that fuels you and allows you to give authentically to others. In New York and haven’t noticed the cherry blossoms yet? Time to reassess things.

5. Your nuts and bolts are in order. I’m talking laundry, doctor’s appointments, home organization and cleanliness, exercise routine – things like that. When you evaluate all the areas that are important to you – they will be different for everyone – and feel like you’re hitting all your marks with ease, that probably means you’re in a place to give.

6. You’re depressed. This one might surprise you, but if you’re feeling super down, it can be incredible to share a meal or something else meaningful with another person. It’s also very healing to create something with your hands, and then share that thing with another person. It reminds us of our basic ability for creation and pleasure.

When to get:

1. You wake up groggy, even if you’ve slept 8 hours (or the number of hours you know works for you). This is a sign that your adrenals are fatigued, and even though you can fall asleep, you’re not truly replenishing your energy and organ systems.

2. You’re constantly snapping at people. If your attention span is about the size of your pinky, it’s definitely not the time to be wielding knives and scalding pans in the kitchen. Develop a practice like pranayama (deep breathing) and/or meditation to slow down, focus your lens, and allow you to be patient with other humans.

3. You feel like there’s not enough time in the day. When things are so tight you can barely breathe, you probably want to focus on reorganizing your time, and then give to others from a place of abundant energy. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

4. You’ve gone through a traumatic event or accident. A death in the family, physical accident, or emotional trauma like a big breakup all deplete your energy stores. You’ll need lots of love and nurturing, and you shouldn’t apologize for it. Life works in cycles – whoever is giving to you during this time will receive tenfold in return.

5. You’re going through a major shift, like moving or switching jobs.These periods can you make you feel totally scattered, and you don’t want to bring that energy into a sharing space. Allow other people to support you, and know that you will give back when you can.

6. You’re feeling used or taken advantage of. If you feel like someone’s intentions are not clean, but you’re doing something for them because you feel guilty or obliged, GET OUT OF THERE. That energy is very toxic, and no one really benefits in that situation.

This week I have a beautiful, simple and very nourishing recipe for you. If it’s time for you to give this week, make it for someone you think is cool. If it’s time for you to get, forward them this email with a sweet, gentle and/or funny note.

Seared Salmon with Teriyaki Glaze and Wilted Vegetables
Serves 2
 
Ingredients
 
2 wild salmon fillets
1 head bok choy
2 cups sliced shiitake mushrooms
1 shallot
3 t sea salt, or to taste

3 T sesame oil
1 T macadamia oil, or other high smoke point oil
2 T tamari (gluten-free soy sauce)
1 t honey
1 t sriracha hot sauce
1 T grated ginger
2 T sesame seeds
 
Method
 
Clean, trim and dry bok choy. Steam for 3 minutes and layer on plate. Slice mushrooms and shallots. Bring 1 T sesame oil to medium heat. Add mushrooms and shallots to pan and allow to caramelize for 5-7 minutes. Add 1 t sea salt in the last few minutes. Set aside.
 
Rinse salmon, pat dry, and sprinkle with sea salt on both sides. Bring 1 T macadamia oil to high heat in clean pan. Add salmon and sear for 3-5 minutes on each side, depending on thickness, until cooked to preference and slightly crispy on the outside. Quality salmon is delicious at medium rare or medium.
 
Layer salmon on top of bok choy.
 
Whisk vigorously 2 T sesame oil, 2 T tamari, 1 t honey, 1 t sriracha, and 1 T grated ginger in small bowl. Add to small saucepan on low heat and allow to simmer and combine for 10-15 minutes, creating a glaze. Taste carefully after a few minutes (it’s hot!) and adjust to your taste, if necessary.
 
Pour sauce over salmon and garnish with mushrooms, shallots and sesame seeds.
 
Bon appétit!

Photo: Prospect Photography