Have you ever come up for air during a conversation and realized that all you talk about is work or self-improvement?

In one of my favorite films, Fight Club, Tyler Durden says, “Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction is the answer.”Lula_stairs-2Although I support self-help 100% most of the time, there’s something even more effective we can do: start to peel back the layers, so we’re left with our authentic core, whatever that might mean for you.

Maybe you act one way, but you’re really…

Shy

Energetic

Quiet

Silly

Loud

Needy

Hyper

Chatty

Ambitious

Independent

Dependent

The truth is that we can’t mask our true colors through self-improvement. That’s when you know you’re doing it wrong – when you’re stifling your true nature. Try revisiting your childhood behavior, then check in to see if your beautiful essence is still alive in your adult state. If not, consider getting back to it.

The goal should be to get back to your natural, magnetic self, not to add a bunch of phony layers to “create” the person you want to be or think you should be. Stop shoulding all over yourself and just be you.

Peeling back the layers might mean engaging in some behaviors that you’ve told might “destroy” you. The truth is that there’s little genuine destruction – most of it leads to a beautiful rebirth.

Stop doing. Stop creating. Stop forcing. Stop people-pleasing. Stop serving. Stop following.

Sometimes we think we need to stay in militant motion or creative output all the time.

The truth is that staying in constant motion will dull your power, energy and magnetism.

Protect your energy like it’s gold, because it is.

Lighten up, switch it up, and maybe even do some self-destruction to tear away those layers and get back to your authentic self.

Here are 10 ideas:

  1. Have that scary conversation that will unravel you. Quitting, breaking up, voicing your needs, whatever it may be. What emerges from that unraveling will be so much more real and attractive.
  2. Have a drink, especially if you’re super uptight in this area.
  3. Eat cherries and read an erotic novel in the bathtub.
  4. Have a cup of coffee, especially if you crave it everyday and constantly refrain.
  5. Ask your partner for the wild-crazy-weird sex you secretly want. If they’re freaked out, they’re not the guy/girl for you.
  6. Say NO to that engagement you’re trying to force yourself to say yes to. Don’t defend other people’s needs. Your service and participation won’t be as valuable if you’re not 100% into it.
  7. Play hooky and have a spa day or go to the beach. You won’t lose your job, and you’ll gain a lot of clarity and renewed energy.
  8. Talk to a beautiful stranger. Be honest.
  9. Eat an ice cream cone. The whole thing.
  10. Pursue your passion project full-time. Just give yourself some financial cushion, or get a bridge job.

In the spirit of lightening up this week, I have a sexy ice cream recipe for you. No, it won’t destroy your “beach body,” but it might reveal your playful, childish side that everyone really wants to see.

P.S. All you need for the perfect beach body is a beach and a body. Your body. Exactly how it is right now.

Now I’d love to hear from you. How could you lighten up this week?

What could you let go of, or add in to brighten things up? Share in the comments below or shoot me an email at lula@lulabrown.com.

Homemade Coconut Soft Serve

Ingredients

2 frozen bananas

½ cup fresh strawberries

¼ cup whole coconut milk

¼ cup shredded, unsweetened coconut

¼ cup chopped basil or mint

2 T maple syrup, or to taste (optional)

1 t sea salt

Method

Chop bananas into 1-inch segments and freeze overnight. Add all ingredients except coconut milk to food processor and begin blending. Add coconut milk in increments of 1 tablespoon until desired texture is achieved.

Serve immediately and enjoy!