I looked down and noticed a few bites of oatmeal with peanut butter and jam on one plate, and a little cloud of scrambled eggs on the other.
I was done.
I started thinking about the connection between high achievement and overeating.
Up until my early 20s, I used to finish pretty much anything placed in front of me.
Whether it was food or a drink, I felt an urgency to finish it.
To reach completion.
To arrive.
Years ago, I was talking to a coaching client who was also starting to coach women, and I’ll never forget what she shared:
She mentioned that one of her clients was struggling with coffee, so she gave her the advice to simply make the cup of coffee, and then see if she actually wants it.
This reminded me, so clearly, that there are two VERY different types of people:
- People who can purchase or make a cup of coffee and not finish it.
- People who always finish what’s in front of them. All of it. Anything less does not compute.
I’ve gone from being the second type of person to being the first type… and the transformation continues to blow my mind.
For the majority of my life, if something was in front of me, and especially if I bought it or made it myself, I was going to consume it.
All of it.
Anything less did not compute.
Sitting there with my oatmeal and little egg cloud, I realized there’s a connection between high achievement and overeating.
The drive to complete a task or reach a goal can carry over to your plate.
The same way a high achiever might get consumed finishing something they set out to do, they can get consumed finishing their plate of food or their drink – even if they’re uncomfortably full or shaking with caffeine jitters.
This is especially true if you were taught to clean your plate when you were little.
Does “clean plates club” ring a bell, or even feel a bit triggering?
Many of us were taught to finish all our food, even when we weren’t hungry.
Some of us were even forced to finish our food.
An ex-boyfriend of mine was deeply traumatized by this, with memories of crying at the table as his parents forced him to finish his plate. This led to later issues with food and self-nourishment.
As adults, we can lovingly remind ourselves that food is always available.
It’s not scarce for most of us, thankfully, so we don’t need to eat when we’re not hungry.
I was never forced to finish my food.
Personally, my overeating and compulsive eating came from restriction – being on some sort of restrictive diet from a young age (macrobiotic and dairy-free were the two big ones), then dealing with an eating disorder starting in my teens.
They were also tied to my need for achievement and completion, along with addictive tendencies that aren’t uncommon within my family, ranging from mild to more serious.
When I wasn’t feeling a sense of achievement or completion, at least I could finish my food.
I’ve always been a high-achiever, and I’ve always loved the feeling of completion.
At times, I’ve had a compulsive desire to improve myself, to “arrive” (hint: you’ve already arrived).
In middle school I’d come home and speed through my homework, hyper-focused.
I’d proudly tell my parents that I didn’t even stop to pee until I was done.
This fast pace continued, and at times, it repelled people and opportunities.
It was a very masculine energy.
At the same time, it made me quite successful in almost everything I’ve done:
- Going from homeschooling to public school
- Getting excellent grades, great SAT scores, graduating college in NYC
- Internships at Teen Vogue and Time Out New York (and getting published in both magazines!)
- Waitressing and bartending at busy NYC restaurants
- Working 9-5 as a writer at my dream company, in my dream industry
- Starting multiple businesses, creating location independence, and living in 7 countries
Today I practice operating from an integrated feminine-masculine energy.
I lean back, I flow, and I allow my desires to come naturally to me, rather than always chasing them.
At the same time, I have structure in my days, like my near-daily kundalini and meditation practice, and I enjoy tracking certain habits through the app Momentum.
Sometimes I notice a compulsion to want to keep a streak going – to check off the day even if I don’t feel like practicing.
While I truly enjoy practicing almost every day, I allow myself to break from it for a day or two if I’m feeling called.
Allowing myself to switch up my routines without guilt has been key… and I’m more successful than I’ve ever been.
Operating from a place of compulsive achievement can get you really far – but it doesn’t scratch the surface of what you can achieve through integrated feminine-masculine energy.
Rewiring my overeating and compulsion with food has allowed me to be more present in my life, and I’ve experienced growth in every area as a result.
I went from living in New York, working multiple jobs, including 12-16 hour shifts, and burning out, to living on the beach in Costa Rica, working 15-20 hours a week, and earning more.
I went from wild fluctuations in my body and weight to feeling settled, stable, and at home in my skin. I healed my PCOS naturally, healed my acne, and finally embraced my body, as a woman.
The friendships I have today feel realer and deeper than ever, with true soul sisters all over the world.
My lifestyle today is completely different than I ever imagined it could be, and it’s largely a result of healing my relationship with food and my body, letting go of compulsive achievement and eating, and balancing my masculine and feminine energy.
Do you notice a connection between high achievement and overeating?
Were you forced to finish your food as a kid?
I’m so curious to hear from you.
Comment below!
With love,
Lula