Lula_stairsDo you feel like you’ve lost your spark? Your fire? That thing that used to make you wanna spring out of bed at 6am and hit SoulCycle, bang out brilliant work on your laptop all day, then make an organic, gourmet dinner, all while feeling genuinely happy and upbeat?

If you’re feeling dull – even just a little bit – it has to do with your operating system.

We’ll get into that, and you’ll learn exactly how to get your spark back, but first, a little story.

On Sunday I walked down to the new Drybar in Bloomingdales for a fresh blowout. I felt a little ick during it because the guy was pulling my hair really hard and I was paranoid about breakage. I know, SUPER luxury issue, but my hair is kinda my thing, and trust me, you’ll see how this makes sense by the end.

I didn’t say anything to hair puller. He was really lovely and my hair DID look wonderful when it was all said and done, but, I did notice some breakage. And it hurt.

I felt kinda dull while I was sitting in the chair, cause I was uncomfortable but I didn’t speak up. My mistake. You’ll see why in a minute.

I popped out onto Crosby afterward, feeling fresh and bouncy regardless of getting tugged on.

Isn’t it funny how hair can do that?

Next on my list was…

#1 Hot chocolate
#2 Strong WiFi – I needed to do a little creative work

So I walked into La Colombe and ordered a hot chocolate, then started making some goofy faces and joking around with a baby who was in line behind me with her mom. I seem to have this innate connection with babies in public. It’s awesome.

After throwing her a couple of my signature guaranteed-to-make-a-baby-laugh faces, I turned around and casually asked the barista if they had WiFi (see #2).

She said no. Ok, cool. Totally fine. I’d do some writing and take care of my WiFi needs at home.

Then she started slamming my coaster and spoon around. I was a barista in college and it’s kind of a known thing that baristas hate people who want WiFi.

I used to hate on those people too. I get it. But I wasn’t feelin’ it, so without even thinking about it I heard myself warmly say, “Umm I’m gonna go somewhere else.”

It sounds like I was dripping with attitude when I type that out, but I was not. My tone was very gentle and loving. She didn’t react at all, she just said “Ok,” and I went on my way.

I’m highly aware of the energy around me and I didn’t want to be in that space. Instead of ignoring my gut reaction, I honored it. Not so much at DryBar. Instead of kindly requesting gentler handling, I grinned and beared it. Ick. It totally drained my energy and dulled my spark.

In the coffee shop situation, I was operating from my heart, and I walked out feeling bubbly and bright. I said what was true for me and took kind action to take care of my energy.

In the past I would’ve stayed even though the vibe was harsh, thinking that it was rude to leave and analyzing the whole interaction over and over.

You’re not doing anyone favors by ignoring what’s true for you in your heart.

In the salon scenario, I was operating from my head. Instead of just communicating in a gentle tone, I overanalyzed the situation and worried he would think I was a bitch.

So so draining.

Operating from your head is EXHAUSTING. It will burn you out and over time, you’ll lose your spark. When you interact and communicate with people from your heart you gain energy because you’re being honest. You’re being yourself. And that’s easy, cause you’re doing what’s natural for you.

We’re so exhausted and fried because we’re constantly living from our heads, trying to please and placate everyone within a mile radius.

Our culture requires us to live from our brains far more than our hearts. We have to be very cerebral in most situations, and it’s downright exhausting. When we live from our heart, we gain authentic energy and keep our effervescence sparkling strong.

Overanalyzing every thought, situation and sentence will suck you dry.

Heart-centered interaction will fill you up.

Plus, when we’re overthinking things, we often get sucked into a deep dark hole of worry. Worrying engages the stress response, which shuts off digestion, slows down the metabolism, and ultimately leads to weight gain.

Now, you might expect that you need to change your whole way of thinking and interacting to start operating from your heart instead of your head, but analyzing your behavior even further probably won’t be very effective.

What will be effective in training yourself to interact from the heart is actively getting out of your head and into your body.

Yes, you will end up changing your entire mindset and perception of the world, but it will happen subconsciously.

And this isn’t about becoming enlightened overnight, it’s about operating from your heart more often than your head.

This is still a daily practice for me, and I know very few people – if anyone – who manage to do this in every single moment. So don’t be hard on yourself, just keep bringing loving attention to this area and you’ll notice your spark – your energy – returning.

Here are some ideas to support you in operating from your heart so you can stop frying yourself and get your spark back:

  • Dance
  • Kiss
  • Go for a walk with no destination in mind
  • Snuggle
  • Meditate
  • Hug
  • Do exercise you LOVE
  • Have sex

Another unexpected great way to tune in to your heart is to spend more time alone. When we’re constantly with other people, we’re required to use our brains more.

If we zone out or make a weird face, people ask, “What’s wrong?” Constant updates are needed in a lot of relationships. We can’t just BE unless we’re really close with the person and have open communication about our needs.

So today, go for more heart communication by getting into your body. When you stop analyzing and trying to figure everything out, that’s when it all falls together.

After reading this, would you say you operate more often from your head or heart?

Which one of the “homework assignments” will you focus on this week?

Share with me below! I’d love to hear from you.

Photo: Prospect Photography