I did NOT expect to write here over the holiday break.

Then I found myself in awe of how far I’ve come with something that should be so simple and enjoyable: Christmas dinner.

I knew I needed to share what that means for you ASAP.

See, I used to stuff my face every holiday until I was so uncomfortable I could barely move.

Flash forward to this weekend, where I ate whatever I wanted…

– Fried oysters
– The best sourdough bread
– Cheese
– Mashed potatoes and gravy
– Home-cured salmon

… and so much more. Sounds like a binge, right? Nope.

The difference?

I was able to stop when I was full, and not because I was being conscious of my weight or diet.

Rather, I wanted to feel COMFORTABLE and be able to dance like crazy to Prince and jump on my parents’ new mini trampoline after having dinner, dessert and cocktails (both of which I did – so fun!) #goodtastelife

There were a couple moments in particular that really clicked and put me into a state of AWE at how far I’ve come.

In these moments, I got super excited about what’s possible for you. Like, full-body excited.

Because I’m not special. If I can do this, so can you.

If I can go from counting every single calorie that crossed my lips and obsessing over my stomach every second of the day to eating whatever I want, reaching my ideal size (a 4-6) without dieting, and never stressing about food… so can you.

I know you’re sick of the “holiday tips…” 

Like, FILL YOUR PLATE HALF WAY WITH VEGGIES! LOAD UP ON CRUDITE! JUST EAT ICE, IT RAISES YOUR METABOLISM!

SHUT. UP. Right?

Because you’ve tried all those things, and they don’t work.

Sure, some of them are wholesome and sensible enough, like eating lots of veggies, but what if it’s STILL NOT WORKING, and you still feel like a total chubby, anxious, failure? 

It’s FRUSTRATING.

And I know it’s frustrating because I used to eat 800-1200 calories of fish and veggies every day and still hate my body.

After restricting the week before I’d BINGE on Thanksgiving and Christmas until I was so uncomfortable that I decided it would feel better to make myself purge.

As you might know, it happened for the first time when I was 16, in the downstairs bathroom at my parents house, just about 15 feet from where I’m sitting in the living room right now, writing to you. 

I’m sitting here with candles lit and a cup of peppermint-lemongrass tea (two bags please) with raw honey, celebrating how much I RELISHED the entire experience this year, from shucking raw oysters, squeezing Meyer lemon on them and feeding them to my family, to enjoying my uncle’s AMAZING fried oysters, to admiring my brother’s gorgeous work with the turkey.

There were a few subtle, but for me, very profound moments when I realized just how far I’ve come since my teenage years.

And yes, I’ve felt healed for years now, but realizing how much things have totally shifted never gets old.

These moments were especially epic, in retrospect…

– Leaving half my Christmas turkey dinner on the plate. Not because I was “watching my waistline,” but because I was straight up FULL. And yes, I saved it for the next day!

– Making a DELICIOUS cured salmon sandwich – the kind that’s so good you get food tunnel vision and could easily house the whole thing, even if you’re full – and giving the second half to my dad, again, cause I was FULL. Not because I was scared the scale would read 2 pounds heavier the next morning (ha, I don’t even own a scale anymore).

– My brother asking me to make him another Old Fashioned and being able to recognize that I didn’t want one. We’ll talk about alcohol in another letter, but I used to have trouble stopping once I started, just like with food. Nothing to the point of it being a problem, but enough to make me feel kinda nauseas and gross. 

The tool that helped me most throughout the weekend was simply staying with myself: Breathing into my belly and seeing if I was actually hungry, or just getting swept along by the social current. This is the tool that has become my #1 best friend when it comes to avoiding binging.

There’s a whole toolbox of practical and spiritual tips I use and teach every day, but today I just want to share a preview of what’s possible with you.

So, if you’re sick of…

– Feeling heavy and exhausted
– Eating salad every day and then binging on peanut butter at night
– Restricting yourself when you’re actually hungry and still not seeing any results in your body or life
– Watching your portion sizes like a crazy person
– Avoiding an entire food group, like carbs/gluten, in hopes of losing weight
– Feeling beyond ANXIOUS and STRESSED
– Doing everything “right” and seeing ZERO results in your body

… sign up here, and watch your email next week.

I’ll be offering something special to help you finally reach a place where you can eat what you want and look and feel *exactly* how you want to in your body and mind.

I’m excited for you, and so grateful you’re here with me.

How have the holidays been for you so far? What’s been the funnest moment, and the most challenging moment?

Leave a comment below, or email me at lula@lulabrown.com if you want to share privately.

I’m always here for you.

Sending all my holiday love to you!

Hugs,
Lula

Photo: Prospect Photography