IMG_8930Question for ya: How many times a day do you want to eat something delicious but guilt kicks in and you reluctantly choose something more virtuous?

Making decisions around what to eat used to be agonizing for me.

There were about five different voices in my head:

  1. What I wanted to eat, first instinct.
  2. What I thought I should eat.
  3. What that latest diet book said I should eat.
  4. What my great grandmother would want me to eat. (joking)
  5. And what my family thought I should eat.

If I dissected it there were probably more like 17 voices in my head telling me what to eat, but I think I’ve got all the major ones here.

Can you relate, and can you guess what this agonizing questioning process does to you?

It exhausts your willpower. And willpower is a limited resource.

If you constantly feel overwhelmed, making too many decisions is probably the cause.

If you’re really craving a cheesy slice of pizza and you force down a cold salad instead, you’re using up your precious willpower. Then let’s say you head into your afternoon of work and you’re dying to check out your friend’s vacation pics on Facebook and Instagram, but you resist because you know you should be working. That drains your willpower more.

Heading to cocktails after work trying to convince yourself you should have a plain vodka soda with lime when you’re dying for a sugary margarita? More willpower down the drain.

By the time you get to dinner, no wonder it feels IMPOSSIBLE to choose a healthy meal you know will make you feel sexy, instead of the bacon lobster mac and cheese staring back at you on the menu. Nothing wrong with the mac and cheese, it’s the stressful decision making process that’s the problem here. See the distinction?

It’s not your fault, and the American Psychological Association agrees with me.*

By ignoring your desires around food and doing the thing you think is virtuous, you use up your (limited) willpower and might find yourself too burnt out to make decisions when it comes to things that really matter, like whether or not you should stay in your relationship. So you keep putting it off and just existing robotically.

You might be thinking, “Ok, cool, but I can’t surf the web and eat pizza all day.” You’re totally right.

Good news: There’s a way to integrate behavorial changes that doesn’t rely on willpower, and today I’ll teach you how.

First, identify one food or lifestyle change you know you need to make. Maybe you’ve been noticing that drinking wine every night makes you feel like shit, or you know just five minutes of meditation a day would calm your anxiety. Perhaps you’ve been wanting to try a new workout program you know your body would love.

Whatever it is, just choose ONE thing to focus on now. I know you might be feeling excited in this moment and want to do it all at once, but just stick to one thing to start out and then integrate more shifts from there.

That way, you don’t have to rely on willpower to feed your body well and feel great.

Once you’ve identified the one behavior you want to integrate, follow this five step system:

1. Connect to your WHY. The brilliant Simon Sinek is a pioneer of this concept, and it’s simple: Get clear on WHY you want to do something, like eat healthier, and dig deep. If you’re trying to lose weight, on the surface maybe you want to look good in your clothes.

When you keep asking why and dig deeper, you might realize your true motivation is feeling more energized so you can do the work you love every day with focus and presence.

Or maybe you want to finally heal your digestion and clear up your skin so you feel comfortable – not self-conscious – when your husband touches your face while you’re kissing.

When you make an emotional connection to why you’re doing something, it takes less willpower to do it, because you’re taking action from a place of self-love.

2. Take one small step. This is key. The quickest way to exhaust your willpower is to try to quit gluten, dairy, sugar, caffeine, and alcohol all at once. Integrate behavioral changes slowly, until they become second nature.

When something is second nature, it doesn’t take willpower because you no longer have to decide whether or not you’re going to do it. You’ve already decided that you will.

A great example here is exercise. For the people who do it almost every day it becomes like brushing their teeth, and they’re addicted to the energy and focus it gives them. No willpower needed.

3. Automate it. I hate to-do lists. They’re intimidating and they don’t work. Everything that needs to happen goes on my iPhone calendar, and according to Forbes, millionaires and billionaires like Richard Branson and Bill Gates do the same.**

This allows you to prioritize events and physically map out how long things will take, rather than speculating, packing too much into each day, and then feeling disappointed when you don’t get it all done.

Once you put something on your calendar, make the commitment to actually do it. Treat your time like gold and don’t take your commitments lightly. Even if what you’re doing is fun and light, like dinner with girlfriends, if you really want to show up for it, put it in your calendar and prioritize it.

4. Eliminate something. Do an audit of your calendar and completely get rid of something you don’t actually need or want to do. A great example is laundry – you can use a service like FlyCleaners to have your cleaning taken care of.

This eliminates that Sunday decision between going to brunch or being responsible and doing your laundry. That takes willpower.

You don’t have to turn your life upside down and hire a housekeeper and private chef, just do one small thing to decrease the number of decisions you have to make in a day.

5. Celebrate. Ambitious people like you and me tend to skip past their accomplishments, on to the next big thing. This is awesome because it means you’re motivated and take pride in what you do, but neglecting to celebrate your successes – big and small – can take a big toll on your health.

You’ll start to feel burnt out and worn out, because you almost ignore your accomplishments. When you schedule in frequent celebrations, whether it’s for maintaining a consistent exercise routine or getting a promotion, you’ll feel satisfied and calm.

From there, you naturally gain momentum and move on to your next challenge feeling accomplished and happy.

Now, grab a journal and identify the one health-related behavior or action you know will make you feel great.

Then write a few sentences about your WHY.

Then write down the one small step you’re going to take today toward your big goal.

Next, automate one activity in your life by putting it on your calendar and committing to it. Remember, keep it small and doable. You can add something else in after 30 days, when the behavior has become second nature. That’s the amount of time it takes most people to form a habit.

Fourth, eliminate something completely, like laundry (I LOVE this step).

Last, CELEBRATE! We should all be celebrating the simple fact that we’re alive, daily. You always have something to celebrate, and acknowledging yourself fuels you and fills you with pride and self-love.

If you don’t go through this whole process right now, schedule a time in your calendar to do it, but TAKE THIS ONE STEP NOW: #4 Eliminate something. This will automatically free up your willpower and have you feeling calmer and more focused on what matters.

After you do it, leave a comment below and tell me how you’re feeling.

Lighter, at ease, excited? I can’t wait to hear from you.

References

*Is Willpower a Limited Resource?

**Millionaires Don’t Use To-Do Lists