“You have a very active crown chakra,” she said, in response to a photo I’d sent for an intuitive reading.
This was after I’d emailed her a photo of the man I was dating at the time, who she immediately vetoed, ending with:
“I don’t read much that’s positive unfortunately, but not malicious either. It’s more neutral-negative.”
I continued to fixate on him for a couple more years, just to be sure.
As I find myself lingering in a small town on the Caribbean Sea, after almost 30 years immersed in hustle culture in New York, I’ve realized that analysis, in itself, has been one of my biggest challenges.
Perhaps you can relate.
I have a big, beautiful forehead, and a very active crown chakra, indeed.
The photo I sent my intuitive in 2021.
I was raised in a culture that teaches head over heart.
Logic over energy.
Analysis over intuition.
As I connect with the essence of analysis, regardless of the subject, I can feel the roots of deep fatigue in my body.
When I moved to Costa Rica in 2018, my main priority was following my own rhythms, releasing the need for rigid routines, and returning to myself…
… but at the same time, I was diving head first into entrepreneurship, relying fully on myself rather than an employer for the first time in my life.
I’ve supported myself since I was 18, so that’s not new to me, but if you’re an entrepreneur, you know that full self-reliance is a whole new game.
Full-time entrepreneurship doesn’t compare to having a side business, or even to having a full-time business with a side job…
… and it certainly doesn’t compare to intrapreneurship: using entrepreneurial qualities and strategies within your job.
I started working really young:
At 11, I was babysitting (with parents present), at 13, when I got my working card, I was a camp counselor, then a lifeguard, a shoe sales associate, a waitress, barista, bartender, and more.
My first 9-5 was in a gold building on Hudson Street in the West Village, where I did social media and writing for the outdoor markets around the city.
After a year I was flabbergasted by the chaotic nature of the company and the lack of focus. I was being pulled in a million different directions, and nothing felt truly satisfying.
I went back into restaurants for a year, serving sandwiches and making lattes at Mud in the East Village.
After that, I landed a dream job off a blind application:
Curriculum Coordinator at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN), where I worked for three years in a very creative writing and teaching role, with frequent promotions.
Around the same time, it became very clear that I wanted to have my own business, as a health coach and copywriter.
That dream terrified me, but I was certain of it.
Three years into working at IIN, I was ready to take the leap and go back into hospitality while I expanded my small roster of on-the-side clients.
All of these career pivots were wrapped up in a lot of anxiety and analysis-paralysis.
When I quit my hospitality job, went full-time in my business, and moved to Costa Rica in 2018, it was the scariest move I had ever made in my life.
2018
It truly felt like free-falling.
I had very little savings, and barely enough work lined up to cover the first few months (money management was not my strong suit, but I had a track record of always figuring out how to earn more).
I knew that I could make it happen, and I knew that moving to Costa Rica would create a lot of magnetism – and it did.
The first few months, new clients rolled in.
The money showed up.
I was living well.
For me, because I’m so prone to analysis, I knew that I had to take this risk.
I couldn’t wait for all the pieces to fall into place, unless I wanted to wait forever.
I had to jump, and trust that Mother Earth would catch me.
And she did.
Even though things were working out, I was still in new territory.
Nothing was guaranteed.
While my commitment to honoring my body over imposed routines was there, in action, so were cortisol and adrenaline.
Analysis was definitely present – in a whole new way, but perhaps more than ever.
I was in a brand new country.
I was far away from all my family members and friends.
I was solely relying on myself, my skills, and an internet connection to support me.
In traveling and living abroad, I’ve learned that a lot of people talk about being “broke” but actually have their father’s credit card, or sizable savings… they’re just trying not to use those things.
I didn’t have any of that.
I had to be generating new income at least every two weeks, if not every week…
… so fully getting my body out of analysis and into a relaxed state has been a process over the past seven years.
It hasn’t been linear.
But today, I can see how everything’s added up.
As I’ve watched myself continue to make everything work – financially, physically, and emotionally – my confidence and self-trust have skyrocketed.
My nervous system feels safer than ever.
I’m working less than I ever have in my life and earning more, because my body has evidence that it’s safe to slow down.
2025
Now I know that things can still work if you slow down, even if you do need to support yourself and generate new income on a regular basis.
It can be done in a relaxed way, when you believe it’s possible and show your body that it’s possible.
This is not something you can read about or have someone else instill in you.
Books, coaching, and therapy definitely help, but you still have to experience it for yourself – you have to show your nervous system that you, personally, can make it work.
Today, my main focus is resting, healing, and enjoying my life.
That sounds so basic, but after over three decades fixated on work and achievement, it’s the most radical thing I’ve ever done.
Today, I sleep as much as I need to.
I go to dance classes 3-4 times a week.
The type of dance where I’m bouncing around and smiling from ear to ear for an hour straight.
Sidenote: Dancing led to the largest reduction in depression symptoms in a major study, outperforming running and SSRIs (in that order, so running also beat out SSRIs).
I have long dinners with girlfriends.
I go for 2-3 hour bike rides along the Caribbean Coast.
I do gentle yoga and Pilates at home.
I go to the beach any time I want to.
My work is minimal yet very creatively satisfying.
Trigger warning: Eating disorders
From this place of deeper-than-ever rest and perspective, I’ve realized how much analysis has consumed me, in the past.
It started when I entered public school at 10, after being homeschooled.
There was so much worry within my system about performing well.
Getting good grades.
Doing well on standardized tests.
It didn’t just feel important, it felt like life or death.
At 16, when I started learning how to drive and preparing for the test, I was terrified.
So much so that I took private lessons.
After the first lesson, the instructor was shocked at how well I did, since I had told him that I was very nervous and would need extra support.
It was all in my head.
Analysis, on a megaphone in my mind.
When I developed an eating disorder as a teenager, I became consumed with analyzing nutrition, calories, and my weight – it was a constant dialogue in my head.
What have I eaten so far today?
What else am I allowed to eat?
How much will I weigh tomorrow?
Why aren’t I losing weight?
Why am I gaining weight?
Will I fit into that dress?
Today, I wonder if I would have been diagnosed with OCD around this time – the analysis was that persistent, but conventional mental health was not something my family was open to.
During college, I just wanted to get a job that paid $50k.
I just wanted to survive (I know $50k is a lot, relative to many countries, but I lived in New York City and supported myself).
More than the numbers, it was a mindset of just wanting to survive.
Of just wanting to get by.
Today I’m thriving.
This is not to say that my life is perfect, by any means.
I’m still in the process of healing over two decades of chronic stress (plus traumatic events that have happened in the past few years) – but I feel clearer, more joyful, and more relaxed than ever.
How did I reduce analysis and get to this place, and how can you?
>> Look at the evidence.
Are you alive today? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food to eat?
Have you always figured out how to make money, even if it was haphazard at times?
You’re doing great.
Almost every human has some degree of negativity bias.
It’s incredibly easy to forget that you’ve always made it work, or to convince yourself that this is the one moment you really won’t be able to make it work, because of XYZ…
… even if you’ve been making it work for decades.
Sit down for 5-10 minutes and really write out all the ways you’ve made it work.
Really think about all the moments you thought it seriously wouldn’t work out, and it did, because if you’re reading this, you’re still breathing right now.
>> Practice nervous system regulation.
Nervous system regulation is crucial.
If your nervous system is out of balance, it’s critical to get to the root of it.
For me the main triggers are caffeine, alcohol, alarm clocks, people-pleasing, being overly available, and overusing social media.
Setting boundaries is key here – honoring your true nature and rhythm in action, not just in theory.
If your nervous system isn’t regulated, even what feels like deep sleep won’t leave you feeling refreshed, because your body cannot physically rest, at a nervous system level.
You could be laying on the beach, doing yoga, or meditating, but if your nervous system is dysregulated, you won’t be able to enter that parasympathetic, relaxed state.
For example, all the breathwork in the world won’t regulate you if you’re still drinking too much caffeine for your unique body, and your unique nervous system.
Take stock of anything that might be dysregulating your nervous system, and make self-loving, gradual tweaks.
What regulates the nervous system?
- Deep breaths, all day long, or whenever you think of it.
- Journaling out what’s on your mind – this helps so much with releasing analysis.
- Expressing your emotions, speaking your truth.
- Stretching, yoga, meditation, and breathwork.
- Spending time alone, and time in nature without electronics.
- Honoring your nutrition needs and sensitivities, especially the role of stimulants like caffeine and alcohol.
>> Remember, we were built for interdependence.
People love to say, “We come onto this earth alone, and we’ll die alone,” but that’s simply not true, in any way.
We come onto this earth still physically attached to another human, and then we’re reliant on at least one other human – if not many more – for the next 15-20 years, minimum.
Growing up in New York, I learned hyper-independence.
After living in Costa Rica for almost 7 years – a country that prioritizes community, nature, and joy – I know for sure that we were built for interdependence.
You cannot heal in isolation.
I could not heal in isolation.
When I started spending more time with people who feel great to my nervous system, I made a huge leap in my healing.
This was edgy for me, since I’m introverted, but it’s one of the deepest forms of nervous system nourishment.
At the same time, sharing your energy with people who don’t feel great to your nervous system can be massively dysregulating.
Don’t feel guilty for being selective.
Today I feel profoundly grateful for the 2018 version of me who had the courage to leave her country, to leave her job, to leave everything she knew, and to trust herself.
2018
To trust her path – even though she was forging it from scratch.
I feel so much tenderness for and deep understanding of the little 10-year-old girl who was terrified to start public school.
The teenager who used food – or a lack thereof – to feel a sense of control and independence.
The 18-year-old who moved back to NYC and figured out a way to have her own apartment, to have a solid job, and then to balance those things with full-time college credits, internships, and a full social life (I was a downtown party girl).
I feel so much admiration for the 21-year-old who landed her first big 9-5 in the West Village.
The 22-year-old who set down her ego and went back into hospitality, then threw herself into a 9-5 in her dream field.
The 23-year-old who got up off the bathroom floor for the last time, knees red and eyes bloodshot.
The 25-year-old who resigned from that creative dream role to build her business in NYC blows my mind.
So does the 35-year-old who has been willing to slow down to an at-times-terrifying crawl, compared to her fast-paced life in New York.
The one who has trusted that this is exactly what she needs.
Perhaps the one I feel most connected to, and the most gratitude for, in this moment, is the incredibly brave 28-year-old who moved to a brand new country, leaving everything behind, and relying entirely on herself, her skills, and her laptop.
Today, I’m deeply grateful for my relationship with food and my body.
Once a major source of dysregulation and analysis, over the past decade+ it’s been my rock, through all these changes, traumas, healing, and breakthroughs.
The process of unlearning hyper-independence, rewiring my tendency to constantly analyze, and bringing my body out of fight-or-flight has been incredibly humbling.
It’s taken far longer than I imagined, and been far less linear than I anticipated… and the process is not complete.
But I know that sentence in itself is analysis.
Today, I fully accept, respect, and celebrate my process.
I am human.
I am in my unique process.
There is no set timeline.
Everything is made-up and man-made, except the rhythms of nature, which I feel very close to here in Costa Rica.
Releasing judgment around my healing process has been a key lever for regulation and breakthroughs.
Celebrating all the little moments of healing, all the glimmers – even the ones that were followed by dark interludes – has been essential.
Re-learning that life is not a game of all-or-nothing has changed me.
Seeing how the small moments add up breathes new life into me.
This process has taught me how human I am, and how much I need other people.
Because some of my most relaxed and regulated moments, free from analysis, are the moments I spend with other people.
People who see me.
People who love me.
People who don’t just support me in theory, but truly celebrate me, through their actions and words.
What kind of culture did you grow up in?
Do you have a tendency toward analysis?
How has it affected you?
I would love to hear from you.
With so much love,
Lula