In my business and writing coaching, a natural extension of my health coaching practice, my clients often get really tripped up on the word success. They think they have to meet certain outside criteria to be successful, rather than choosing what success means for themselves. It sucks, and almost everyone does it to some extent.
Following this “success” mold makes them feel uneasy and dissatisfied, but they often don’t realize there’s another option. It’s hard not to let societal molds impinge on us, especially when they’re thrown at us constantly via the media, our friends, and even our closest family members.
You could be absolutely miserable, but if you put on a suit every day and go to an office, everyone thinks you must be successful and happy. And you certainly might be. But, it’s not a given.
Or, another set of my clients think that once they have the perfect business and entrepreneurial lifestyle, everything will flow easily and they’ll have unlimited success and abundance. But what if that business consumes all of your time, and even if you have lots of money, you have no time to spend it on anything that brings you pleasure, or just to simply relax?
Pleasure is a big buzzword. A lot of people I speak with feel guilty about adapting pleasure as a lifestyle, but it’s the only way that we can lead sustainable, fulfilling lives.
By allowing ourselves as much pleasure as possible in every moment, we embody paradise rather than seeking paradise outside ourselves. A tropical island vacation might be awesome, but it won’t bring everlasting happiness.
So, how can we abandon pushy external definitions of success and find pleasure even in the busiest times?
- Describe in detail your perfect work day.Where do you wake up? What time? What do you do first? What type of work do you do? With what kinds of people? Or maybe you work alone?
Who do you share meals with? What’s your playtime? By clearly painting this vision, you send a signal out that you are ready to receive it.
- As you make decisions in work and play, check in with yourself: Is this choice aligned with your personal definition of pleasure and success?Minor choices and actions might not seem directly connected, so think outside the box. Even the smallest actions can connect you to your big picture vision.
Notice what activities make you feel physically tight and contracted, and which make you feel relaxed and expansive. Go for those.
- Take actionable steps.If you want to make shifts in your life to align yourself with your ideal work and play scenario, choose a few actionable steps that you can implement pretty quickly.
Even something seemingly-unrelated, like choosing to move your body every day, will help you keep in flow and stay motivated.
Maybe you decide to write for 30 minutes every week to keep you inspired and mission-centered, or you take up a new creative hobby like painting to move mental stagnation and stay fluid.
Adhering to someone else’s definition of success might work for a while. Your mind might be tricked into believing this is it: You’ve graduated college and maybe even grad school or beyond, have a job, an apartment, a boyfriend and a great group of friends. This must be it, right?
If a big no and a feeling of tension and dis-ease comes up for you when you think about this, I encourage you to question conventional wisdom and start outlining your own ideal life today. Then take the next step – however small. Let me know how it goes.
What do success and pleasure mean to you? I can’t wait to hear from you in the comments below. If you’d rather keep it private, shoot me an email at lula@lulabrown.com.
With love,
Lula
Photos: Jake Freeman