Lula03_15
I’m bursting to tell you about all the debauchery I got into in Miami over the weekend… not. 🙂

It looked more like this…

  1. Yoga
  2. Read by the pool
  3. Swim at the beach
  4. Room service
  5. Contemplate life in silence
  6. Repeat

…all solo.

Yep.

And it ended up being one of the most profoundly healing weekends of my life.

I’m so absolutely grateful for every minute of it.

I sobbed on the airplane, got clear on defining pieces of my past that were cloudy and confusing, did some of the most body-shaking, heart-opening yoga I’ve ever experienced, and of course, ate the best food ever.

I went down to Miami for a work trip, and expected to spend time with my friends who live there, but guess what?

I couldn’t do it. I felt a deep need to spend a lot of time alone – and for good reason.

I wasn’t expecting so much to come through, but it was truly incredible. I’ll share more on this transformative weekend in upcoming posts – I’m still processing.

As beautiful as it was, I felt selfish I wasn’t spending time with my friends, and like maybe there was something wrong with me for needing time alone.

Usually I’m totally fine to say no to plans and spend time alone (just part of my personality), but since I hardly ever see these friends, I felt really guilty.

I’m an outgoing introvert – meaning I love spending time with people and even being on stage, but I need a lot of alone time afterward to recharge.

After making tentative plans and then calling them off for a couple days, I finally came clean and just told my friends exactly what I was feeling…

“Sorry – been needing tons of alone time.”

That’s it – and they totally understood; no big deal.

In that moment of feeling relieved for just saying it straight, I realized how absolutely crucial it is to be selfish sometimes and get exactly what you need – whether it’s a New York strip steak, a full-body massage, a week of alone time, two kombuchas (or glasses of wine), or anything else your heart desires.

So many women I know say NO to their needs on a regular basis, because they feel like they don’t deserve them, or they’ve just gotten so used to putting other people first.

Perhaps they feel selfish for even having needs in the first place.

The majority of us are programmed to ignore our needs and do what’s socially accepted.

Guess what happens next?

We become ticking time bombs, pushing our needs down and doing what we think is right, but feels so wrong.

Then we explode and scream at our partners, eat an entire cake, or fall down the eating disorder rabbit hole.

I’m here to tell you it’s necessary to be a little selfish sometimes, and it’s critical for healing, evolving, and feeling your best, both physically and mentally.

When you’re selfish sometimes, you trust your body and listen to your intuition. 

When you take care of yourself you can take care of others from a place of true desire and overflow, rather than obligation.

Would you want someone to do things for you, or spend time with you, because they feel obligated?

Probably not.

So why would people want that from you?

Your people – the ones who truly care about you – want to see you energized and nourished, not worn down from people-pleasing 24/7.

So be a little selfish – it’s good for your health.

Another upside? You’ll start to naturally say NO to what’s not for you – whether it’s fast food you don’t really want or a toxic relationship – because you love and honor yourself enough to choose something that actually feels good.

When you’re selfish, you get a chance to truly fill up your own tank so you can love and care for others on a deeper level.

What’s your experience with feeling selfish?

Do you struggle to put yourself first sometimes?

How would being a little selfish make you healthier and happier?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Photo: Prospect Photography