Western culture teaches us to form attachments.
To grip onto things.
A specific university.
A specific life path.
A specific type of partner.
And of course, a specific body type: Thin, fit, curvy “in the right places.”
We get ideas in our head about what our lives and bodies should look like, ignoring what we actually want.
Ignoring our souls, and our intuition.
Because “they” must know better than us, right?
This starts when we’re vulnerable – it started for me when I was around 8 years old, watching The Little Mermaid and telling myself I WOULD look like Ariel when I grew up… or else.
I was mesmerized by her impossibly small waist.
Literally, impossibly small – a human with the same proportions would fall over.
I became attached to having that body type, subconsciously rejecting my natural form.
Then between 10 and 17 years old, I began preparing for college, following the formulaic process of studying for and passing the SATs, and applying to schools.
Then it was all about getting a top-notch internship or two (I interned at Teen Vogue and Time Out New York), then a good job.
In Western culture, it’s hard to NOT become attached to one way of looking and being, and grip onto it for dear life.
If and when you start to break away from this system, attachment can still come up.
For example, I know a lot of digital entrepreneurs who are all about freedom and ease, yet fearful about getting clients, chained to their iPhones.
They feel the need to always be responsive, constantly checking social media and email, in case a potential client reaches out.
They’re afraid that if they’re not always available, they’ll lose clients.
This is attachment.
This is gripping.
This is fear.
And one of the most common reactions to attachment, gripping, and fear is overeating and/or undereating.
Misusing food is one of the most accessible ways to feel a fleeting sense of control.
How are the two connected – attachment and misusing food?
Attachment and gripping cause physical and emotional tension.
It’s very common to look to food for relief – to release the pressure, numb out, and finally “take a break.”
When we realize we actually don’t have control – when we lose the relationship or the client, for example – we use food to soothe ourselves.
Food becomes the one thing we feel like we have control over, the one trigger we can pull to put ourselves back in the driver’s seat, temporarily.
Because food has no will of its own.
Food is inert, powerless in itself.
We can grab it anytime we want.
It can’t grab us.
It can’t move us.
We can overeat to soothe ourselves after a loss.
We can overeat in an attempt to control our emotions.
We can also undereat to try to control our bodies, to rebel.
To say, “Look how superhuman I am, I barely even need food.”
Food can never let us down, at least not in the fleeting moment of pleasure and control…
… until we crash and are left feeling more fearful, attached, and distraught.
But still, many people seek that moment of control via food, over and over.
I did for over 10 years, until I found intuitive eating.
How can you let go of attachment and gripping to heal your relationship with food?
Remember this: We do not live in a zero sum world.
If I make a dollar, that does not mean you lose a dollar.
If I get a client, that does not mean you lose a client.
The clients and work opportunities that are meant for you are ONLY meant for you.
There is no substitute for YOU.
There is no one who can express and deliver your exact gifts to your exact people.
If a client or promotion passes you by, there is something better coming.
It may not look exactly as you expected, but ultimately you’ll realize it’s infinitely better.
If you break up with a partner, it’s in both of your best interests.
You’re not losing something, you’re gaining the physical and energetic space for someone who’s a better match for you.
And so is your ex-partner.
It’s not about one person being left out in the cold.
It’s about both people exiting the partnership to create space for more aligned partners – even if it doesn’t feel that way at first.
We do not need to grip, grab, push, force, or attach ourselves to anything.
There is an infinite supply of money, connection, and love in the world.
Of course, life requires patience, grace, and persistence.
We won’t always be instantly gratified.
But when you relax into your soul and feel gratitude for all that is and all that is coming – without rushing to “get there,” because you already are there – things flow to you more quickly.
When you remember that we do not live in a zero sum world, attachment dissipates, and the need to control through food melts away.
The antidote to attachment and gripping – and the antidote to erratic eating – is feeling deep gratitude for your present day reality, and your present day body.
Finding a way to love your current reality, listen deeply to your intuition, and trust that any desired changes are happening in perfect timing.
There is no need to push or force.
Ease comes in honoring your soul above the system.
Honoring your inner voice above any diet.
Honoring your peace over external pressure.
… and taking the next step from that place.
Loving your life and having fun today, while trusting that all is coming, and that food is on your side.
Food is your friend, and it’s there to support you.
When we let go of attachment and gripping, there is no pressure to release, so we do not need to turn to food for relief.
We eat for nourishment and pleasure, and it feels easy.
If the last year has taught me one thing, it’s to truly be present and enjoy each day, rather than gripping onto what the future could or should be…
… and to truly integrate that practice, rather than just understanding it on an intellectual level.
I invite you to come back to your soul today, and let your body rest.
Allow your body to be your home, your safe haven.
Have you noticed a link between attachment and overeating – or undereating?
Leave a comment below.
With so much love,
Lula