In my early 20s I was dating a guy I thought I was going to marry.

He was hilarious, successful, incredibly loving, adoring, generous… I could go on.

I remember the day I met his best female friend, who was a lingerie designer.

We went to Angelica Kitchen in the East Village, close to my apartment at the time.

Her and I didn’t click per se, and I was kind of jealous of the witty dynamic they’d developed over their 10+ year friendship, but it was a lovely meal.

The next day I asked him what she thought of me, and he said…

“She said it seems like you’re trying too hard.”

OUCH.

It only stung so bad because it was 100% true.

I wanted SO badly for her to like me.

But it was more than that.

I wanted SO badly for EVERYONE to like me.

To be well-liked, successful, funny, smart, fit… the modern “superwoman.”

Like that woman who’s a doctor, model, and happens to fly planes in her spare time.

Oy.

As a homeschooled kid who started public school at 10 years old, I quickly learned to push push push to be liked and successful.

I thought that was the only way.

In 5th grade they started talking about college and careers, and as a homeschooler I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the schoolwork or fit in socially…

… so I tried SO hard.

What I really needed to learn is that it’s ok to fail, and ok to not be liked by some people, because that leaves you available for the opportunities and relationships that are TRULY meant for you.

No one teaches that in school though.

Why is it important to learn that it’s ok to fail?

Why is it important to learn how to receive, not just to push?

When you stop pushing you can start receiving – that’s just how the universe works.

Whether you want more friends, a partner, a healthier body, or a certain job, it’s harder to get these things through pushing, through the energy of neediness.

It’s also easier to attract unaligned opportunities through pushing, rather than sitting back and allowing something better than you could have imagined to come to you.

When you stop caring so much, you become a magnet.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this.

It’s where suddenly the things you’ve been chasing start chasing you.

It’s where you give up on finding a boyfriend and he suddenly lands in your lap out of nowhere.

I’ve experienced this like clockwork throughout my life.

In fact, that amazing boyfriend in my early 20s came into my life out of nowhere, right after I had decided to stop trying to find a boyfriend.

Today I’m working for myself from my laptop, living in the Caribbean for most of the year, with stints in New York, and feeling more confident, alive, and calm in my body and mind than I ever have.

My life slowly but surely clicked into place when I stopped obsessing over my body, controlling my food, and chasing after people and things.

When I stopped pushing and started allowing myself to receive in all categories, everything changed.

But HOW?

If you feel like you’re pushing and not getting very far, and you want to start RECEIVING, this is what’s worked for me and my coaching clients…

1. Treat yourself like gold, and prioritize your joy.

If you were going to make a batch of brownies for the man or woman you wanted to marry, you wouldn’t settle for stale chocolate and funny-smelling butter, and you wouldn’t try to cook them in a dish that had holes in it.

Those brownies wouldn’t cook right, they’d probably start a fire in the oven, and they wouldn’t taste good.

In fact, they would probably make you sick.

If you were making brownies for someone you loved, you would use the best possible ingredients and tools.

Treat yourself the same way.

If you’re not treating yourself like gold, everything starts to feel really hard.

You might feel like YOU are that baking dish with holes in it.

On the other hand, when you treat yourself like gold, you magnetize what you want.

The Universe responds to someone who’s filled up energetically like a man (or woman) responds to a woman who’s ovulating.

The people and things around you, and the universe, respond to unadulterated pleasure and energy.

Your energy is like your internal bank account – you want to keep it up.

So what makes you feel completely filled up?

It could be alone time, time with loved ones, self-pleasure, nature walks, hot baths, slow breakfasts (me!), strong coffee, cheesy TV, erotic novels?

Do more of whatever that is – at least one thing every day.

2. Create strong boundaries.

You’re smart and intuitive, and you probably have a good idea of what drains your energy and how you operate best.

Right now, think about which people, things, and situations suck the life out of you.

Is it the friend who talks about herself for an hour, then suddenly has to get off the phone the moment you start sharing what’s going on for you?

Going to that coffee shop that has great WiFi but a terrible vibe?

The boyfriend who always makes you feel guilty for taking time for yourself?

Minimize everything that drains you.

If you’ve tried to create boundaries with certain people and it hasn’t worked, it might be time to end or limit those relationships.

This is your precious, beautiful life.

To build up your natural energy and effervescence and get what you want in life, you have to create strong boundaries.

Remove what’s draining you and consciously block out time to rest, eat good food, move your body, connect with soul-nourishing friends and family, and have true down time.

Make these things non-negotiable.

3. Build up your self-worth.

Confident people are magnetic.

Self-worth is about remembering your innate value at all times – no matter how much money is in your bank account, how you’re feeling in your body, or how your career is looking at this very moment.

Even if you’re at a complete rock bottom, you’re still completely valuable and worthy.

You were born that way – we all were.

The universe did not create any extra people.

I consistently build my self-worth through Lacy Phillips’ fantastic workshops, daily meditation, kundalini, long walks, and a fun variety of workouts: power yoga, surfing, running, HIIT, or Zumba. I love to mix it up.

Even if I don’t do any of that, breathing, stillness, and remembering my basic physical ability help remind me of my inherent worthiness.

4. Keep your promises to yourself.

One of the biggest business shifts I’ve ever made was focusing on my own coaching and reiki projects before I get into client copywriting work.

This does not mean that I save all my energy for myself and leave the scraps for my writing clients.

It’s the complete opposite: By doing my own work first I gain SO much energy and momentum and then my client writing is 10x better.

When I start the day working on one of my own projects, it’s like I’m riding a wave of energy, inspiration, and focus.

5. Cut yourself a break.

Hiiiii! I’m giving out free tickets to the zero self-judgment trip! ::waves::

Especially if you come from an achievement-centered culture and have a history of being hard on yourself, like me, you have to let yourself off the hook.

You’re going to mess up.

You’re going to perform poorly sometimes.

You’re not always going to meditate and work out and eat right and get groceries and make dinner and look hot and do everything all the time.

Or maybe you’ll NEVER do some of those things, and that’s ok. You’re human.

“It’s not about only loving our goodness, it’s about loving our wholeness.”
– paraphrased from my epic personal coach Cora Poage

Not only is it ok to be lazy sometimes – to have a day (or a week) of truly doing NOTHING – it’ll actually boost your ability to attract what you want.

The universe can get a little scared off by people who are always steamrolling ahead and burning themselves out.

To literally let it all come to you, sometimes you need a full stop. Ahhh, it feels good just writing this.

Join me one day this week for a true day of NOTHING? I’ll be on the couch eating French toast and watching Tom & Jerry.

Ok, I would love love love to hear from you on this topic.

Are you a master at manifesting? A human magnet? Or are you struggling in this area?

Would you love to stop pushing and start receiving?

Leave a comment below and tell me the #1 thing you want more of in your life right now.

Much love,
Lula