I woke up to a thread of texts from one of my ACTIVATE coaching clients.

She was sharing a couple big wins – feeling grounded and peaceful in her body – and a tricky situation that came up with her husband.

After feeling alive and present all day, she shared some of her food and body struggles with him, and he got triggered (he has his own food stuff) and started debating the validity of her experience.

It was 11:30pm, and all of a sudden she felt super hungry.

She ate cookies and pizza in a frenzy, when in retrospect, she had nourished herself all day and wasn’t hungry at all.

It felt impulsive, she said, and like she was trying to cure something.

This scenario got me thinking about the primary reasons we overeat and binge eat, and how we can return to aligned nourishment and joy with food.

Let’s dive into 5 of the main causes of overeating and binge eating, and then I’ll share how I responded to her…

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1. We’re not getting our emotional needs met.

… so we turn to food for comfort and support.

Food has an instant tranquilizing effect, especially salt, sugar, carbs, and fat.

If we’re not getting the love, connection, intellectual stimulation, and support we need in our lives, we often turn to food to soothe us.

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2. We’re not eating enough, period.

A pattern in SO many of my clients and readers is trying to eat very little or VERY “clean” throughout the day, and then overeating or binge eating at night.

There’s the physical piece – our bodies are simply not getting enough calories – and then the emotional piece – we’re mentally trying to control ourselves, and we eventually break.

BOTH factors drive people to overeat.

When you’re not getting enough calories, and your brain is telling you don’t-eat-too-much, over and over again, the body gets the message that you’re going into starvation mode.

When you enter that state, you store fat for energy and protection.

The next time you eat, your body holds on to those calories for dear life – instead of efficiently digesting and metabolizing them – because it’s not sure when it’ll get food again.

This is why it’s so important for most people to eat a good meal (protein, carbs, vegetables, fats) within 90 minutes of waking up, and then two more full meals, and perhaps a couple snacks, throughout the day.

Everyone has different food needs, and you should always consult your doctor before switching things up, but the message here is that we need to eat enough food, often enough.

And we must get out of the mentality of trying to control ourselves and make our bodies smaller.

Stop restricting and start living.

Remind yourself that food is always available and you can have whatever you want, and watch your body calibrate.

Have the cookie when you want it, instead of trying to resist it and then finally eating 10 cookies because you’ve built up so much tension.

It’s been proven that restricting and dieting leads to weight gain in the long term. I highly recommend this book, if you want to explore more on this.

When we allow ourselves to have as much food as we want, whenever we want, we step out of that restriction-desperation cycle and can eat in alignment with our genuine needs and desires.

When we free ourselves from restrictive behavior our bodies come into balance. We eat what we want without it being this big, emotional “thing.”

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3. We’re nutrient-deficient.

If you’re not getting the full spectrum of nutrients, you can get really strong cravings, and end up overeating to fill a macro or micronutrient gap.

This is complex and different for each person, but, for example, if you’re low in magnesium, you crave chocolate.

When you identify and satisfy your unique nutritional needs, your cravings and hunger signals balance out.

This is where intuitive eating meets custom nutrition, and one of the biggest levers I work on with clients.

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4. We’re bored.

If food is the most exciting thing in someone’s life, they’re going to want to eat a lot, and often.

Humans need engagement and novelty.

If you hate your work or you’re bored in your relationship, you might seek your thrills in an entire pepperoni pizza, some cheesy pasta, or a whole chocolate cake.

I’ve been there – my highlights include entire jars of Nutella and loaves of bread.

And it’s understandable why this happens.

Food is pleasurable and fun, but when we’re excited and engaged in our lives, we don’t need to overeat to the point where we feel like crap.

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5. We’re scared.

If we’re scared or anxious about something, we might turn to food to soothe our nerves. Again, it’s that tranquilizer effect.

When we’re super full, we’re reminded of our gravity. Our weight.

We feel more solid in ourselves for a few minutes.

Food becomes our protection. It’s familiar and safe.

Instead of turning to excess food, feel and process your emotions.

Accept and appreciate your feelings, even if they’re “negative.” Acknowledge that all emotions are safe and human.

Then talk to someone, journal, scream, punch a pillow… whatever needs to happen to process the present emotion.

And PS, food can be soothing. You might want pizza after an emotional day, and that’s cool.

But when we’re processing our emotions regularly and effectively, we probably won’t want the entire pizza…

… cause we don’t want to feel catatonic, we want to feel alive.

And it’s hard to feel alive when you’re clogged up and exhausted.

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>> After sharing her experience, my client’s questions – and my answers – were…

Q: Why did this happen?

A: She had an emotional need that was not being met.

She needed her husband to listen and hold non-judgmental space, rather than going into debate mode.

You cannot debate someone’s feelings. They are always valid.

Without even going into all the details of the conversation, it was clear she wasn’t getting the comfort and support she needed at that moment, so she turned to food to get it.

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Q: How do you come back into alignment without beating yourself up?

A: The first step is to forgive yourself, and forgive anyone else involved.

My client and her husband have a DREAMY relationship. But triggers can still happen, and no one is perfect.

The more you beat yourself up when you overeat or binge eat, the more you perpetuate the cycle of being good / bad, rather than just BEING a whole human who is imperfect.

When you make yourself wrong and try to control + restrict, your mind rebels and you overeat in a subconscious tirade against yourself.

When you get on your own team, you eat in a way that supports your body and delights your senses without sending you into a coma.

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If you give yourself grace, love, and approval, food is no longer this big scary thing, and you can nourish yourself and enjoy food.

And if there’s someone else involved in the reasons behind your overeating, it’s important to set clear boundaries with them.

Maybe the rule is that you don’t give advice or debate the validity of each other’s feelings.

You simply listen, give affirmation that all experiences and emotions are valid, and ask thoughtful questions.

Do you overeat or binge eat? Why?

Share with me in the comments below.

With so much love,
Lula