Last week I introduced the concept of Fear of Feeling Good, and today I’m sharing the first tangible action step you can take to get over this underlying fear and finally lose extra weight, get clear, glowing skin, and fix any digestive issues for good.
First, a question: Have you ever gotten a compliment and felt like you wanted to hide?
Compliments can trigger the Fear of Feeling Good because they make us feel exposed.
Then we start to associate feeling and looking good with more compliments and more vulnerable moments where we just want to bury our face in a pillow or straight up shrivel up.
This leads us to avoid taking the steps we know we need to take to finally lose stubborn weight, fix our digestion and skin, and FINALLY get the energy we’ve been dreaming of having… instead of constantly waking up groggy and dragging ourselves to work.
Instead of doing what we know makes us feel good, we grab the pizza, coffee, or third cocktail that we know will make us feel like crap for the next three days and keep our shine at bay.
Yes, compliments can trigger all of this.
If we’re not confident and grounded, getting a compliment can make us want to avoid the figurative spotlight by pushing off our weight loss goals and staying stuck in the same destructive patterns… that usually involve peanut butter, and for 19-year-old Lula, full jars of Nutella in one sitting.
On top of feeling like we want to hide in the bathroom when we get a compliment, most of us do one of two things when someone praises us…
This is when we attempt to dilute or negate the compliment. For example, if someone compliments your dress, you would deflect it by saying “Oh, I got it on sale, it’s nothing” or “Oh, it really doesn’t fit me that well.”
When you volley you immediately toss a compliment back at the other person without receiving and acknowledging the praise they just gave you. Instead of saying “Thank you,” you immediately say, “Oh, you have the most amazing skin!”
This takes the spotlight off you and puts it on the other person, in an attempt to quickly avoid feeling seen and getting attention… and therefore wanting to hide under a rock.
Why do compliments have this effect on so many of us?
Because they can make us feel like others view us as better than them, separate, or different, and as humans we want to feel connected.
When we get compliments, we often default to behaviors that will lessen our chances of getting more praise and being called out as special.
We make ourselves smaller by eating foods and doing things we know will make us feel just average or straight up heavy and gross.
So what tangible action step can you take today to get comfortable receiving compliments, and therefore develop the confidence you need to optimize your physical body?
When your mind identifies receiving attention as a positive thing, you get comfortable looking and feeling good. You can create this positive association by fully receiving compliments.
You then naturally heal your subconscious Fear of Feeling Good and take action steps to get the body and life you’ve always wanted.
SIMPLE ACTION STEP
This week, respond to compliments by saying “Thank you so much!” instead of deflecting or volleying – even if it feels uncomfortable.
Notice how genuinely accepting compliments expands your confidence and power, and therefore supports you to eat the foods and do the activities that make you feel amazing in your body – or get the support you need to identify those foods and activities.
When you really start receiving compliments, you might notice that…
You start to feel lighter in your body
Your skin glows
Your digestive issues ease up a little
You wake up energized and excited to start your day
You feel confident and happy
Learning to really take compliments is a crucial step toward getting the body you want, rather than just talking about it. When we develop true confidence we’re no longer hesitant to look and feel our best.
I’m cheering you on from Brooklyn, and I’m so proud of how far you’ve already come! This stuff is challenging, and we all need support and guidance, myself included.
So much love,