The key to growth is remembering that there is nothing wrong with you.

We cannot grow if we’re always wronging ourselves.

When we’re wrong we want to self-sabotage, because we’re already wrong, so why not give up and “just enjoy ourselves”?

Problem: It’s not actually enjoyable after a few hours.

When we practice unconditional positive regard for ourselves, we naturally want to reinforce those feelings.

By approving of ourselves now we create momentum toward what we want next.

Growth happens when we pull ourselves out of the tense-tight cycle of shame-punishment-reward, repeat.

Good girl, bad girl, good girl –– fff*ck. I can’t do this anymore.

Growth happens when we notice shame and self-judgment, shift to curiosity, and sink into self-love.

I’m not implying that addicts – those experiencing an extreme example of the shame-punishment-reward cycle – just need to work on their mindset and self-love.

Self-love looks like medical treatment in those cases…

… but the treatment probably won’t stick unless the shame cycle is shifted. Unless the mindset changes. Unless self-love is integrated.

Unless the thoughts of “I’m wrong and bad” are released, and self-approval is reinforced, a relapse is likely.

Seeing yourself as fundamentally good creates the foundation for what you want to create.

Shifting to curiosity and sinking into self-love may seem fluffy until you get into a rhythm of active practice.

Until you start seeing the tangible results…

• Effortlessly stepping out of controlling relationships.
• Losing the desire to eat foods that don’t serve you.
• Dropping compulsive behaviors without “trying.”

When we stop making ourselves fundamentally wrong, self-sabotage falls away – because we no longer have reason to punish ourselves.

We remember that we are not bad. We are not wrong.

This is an area where morning affirmations, daily meditation, and yoga will not move the needle on their own.

Nothing can replace the practice of observing your thoughts and shifting them.

Start by simply noticing your thoughts for one full day:

The way you speak to yourself. The way you regard yourself.

Take delight in shifting back to gentle love, and relief in knowing you are not wrong.

Even if you’re doing something that is “wrong,” it’s probably just your body’s attempt to self-regulate. To get back to the only “normal” it knows.

You are fundamentally right – you’ve just been trying to navigate a loud system of “right” and “wrong.”

One that forces you to be one or the other – binary.

One that wants you to see yourself as “wrong,” so you’ll feel compelled to buy products and programs that will make you “right.”

One that’s been created to fuel the economy, bulldozing the downside – the clear mental-emotional-physical impacts that system has.

Remembering you’re not wrong is a revolutionary act.

It’s your birthright to enjoy who you are, to get curious about what’s not feeling good, and to enjoy your very being, to enjoy your life. The texture of your environment, the texture of you.

Fun exercise to practice this:

Step into the shoes of someone who loves you unconditionally.

The one who compliments you on things you see as weaknesses.

Imagine you were them.

What would you be thinking?

Do that. All the time.

Much love,
Lula