I ran up to her, bubbling with excitement.

She looked at me, frowned, said “Ummmm, no…” and turned around.

This was something that would happen often during my first year of public school, at age 10.

I’d been homeschooled up until then.

After playing soccer for a season with a group of girls who were about to start middle school, my family and I decided it was a good time for me to start public school.

I was in the “popular” group and technically had friends, but always felt a bit on the outside… and there were some super catty dynamics that would go on within that group.

I was always too excited, too enthusiastic, and just too much, apparently.

Or maybe I really was a dork with no social sense! I’m into that.

In any case – I wasn’t feeling seen, heard, and received by my peers, and this has been a theme throughout my life.

I felt like this sparkler, burning bright, until someone snuffed me out with their lack of engagement or lack of response.

To this day, I’m someone who gets very excited and loves celebration, indulgence, frivolity, and abundance.

I love to compliment people. I love to hype people up, and I want to be hyped up.

I want champagne everywhere, the best of everything, and more food than anyone could possibly finish. Endless overflow and possibilities.

And, I want to be deeply met. I want to be seen, I want to be heard, and I want to be received, as much in my darkest moments as in my brightest.

I’m endlessly grateful to have people in my adult life – past and present – who have been able to meet me, hear me, and see me.

But it’s an ongoing practice, something I’m always cultivating, and something I’m always talking to clients about.

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If you feel like you’re not being seen, heard, and received, this is what I recommend…

1. Let yourself feel it fully.

Let yourself feel the rejection, the low self-worth, the disappointment, the shame.

Let yourself feel invisible, empty, not enough.

Let yourself feel the longing – the deep desire to be seen, heard, and received in exactly the way you dream of. To feel safe and loved.

Journal it out. Cry. Scream. Groan. Push against a wall. Put on music that amplifies these emotions and dance.

Do whatever you sense your body needs to move through the emotions.

2. See, hear and receive yourself.

Are you fully meeting yourself? Are you listening to your body? Are you fully on your own team, or are you betraying yourself in small ways?

This can look like out-of-alignment eating and drinking, or simply doing things that don’t feel great with people you don’t love.

It’s time to edit.

You’re not doing anyone a favor by spending time with them and doing things you don’t enjoy. This is a form of martyrdom, and an expression of scarcity.

When you shift that behavior, you free yourself up to do things you love with people you love, and you free up misaligned friends to connect with people who truly love them and want to do things with them.

There is more than enough friendship, love, and connection for everyone, no matter what stage they’re at. There are people who love gossiping all day, and people who cannot stand 5 minutes of gossip.

There are people who love going to yoga and having quiet lunches, and those who crave late night dinners and loud clubs.

None of this is bad or wrong, it’s just about aligning with your current desires and honoring other peoples’.

3. Do not blame or shame the other person, but take care of you.

You can love someone and have boundaries with them. It’s rarely personal when someone can’t receive you, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend lots of – or any – time with them.

You can gauge this based on your energy: Think about each friend and family member you engage with, and identify whether you feel drained or energized after spending time with them. 

Spend less time with people who drain you and more time with people who nourish you deeply. You’re not meant for everyone – you’re meant for a select few.

Letting go of the friendships that aren’t working is an ongoing practice.

Releasing judgment and anger is an ongoing practice, and something to get comfortable with.

4. Get support and gauge commitment.

A coach or therapist can give you deep support, help you identify blind spots, and work with you to create an action plan.

Their job is to see, hear, and receive you.

If you’re navigating a relationship with someone very close to you who you’re invested in, you might want to consider going to coaching or therapy with them.

This is a great way to gauge their commitment to you, and to their own growth. If they’re not willing to work on the relationship, and work on themselves, that’s a huge red flag.

5. Commit to your own growth.

Commit to living your highest frequency without judging those who don’t align.

You don’t have to sacrifice your excitement, introversion, sensitivity, or any other aspect of yourself, just because someone can’t or won’t receive it.

Remember that their reaction is not personal, and stay with yourself – stay with your fullest expression.

We cannot change people.

We can only live in alignment, embody unconditional love, and be an example of what’s possible.

As you release and process pain to stay in your fullest expression and highest vibration, you’ll attract more people who fully see, hear, receive, and celebrate you.

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As you grow and heal, it just gets better and better.

You get to have more and more fun and fulfillment.

Joy, abundance, and excitement are unlimited resources.

Enjoy your essence and don’t let others f*ck with it.

Do you feel like the people in your life fully see, hear, and receive you?

I’d love to hear from you below.

With love,
Lula

Photo: Jessica Torres