We live in a largely binary world of right and wrong.

One that wants you to see yourself as “wrong,” so you’ll feel compelled to buy products and programs that will make you “right.”

One that’s been created to fuel the economy, bulldozing the downside:

The mental-emotional-physical impact on us, leading to shame-punishment-reward cycles.

Remembering that you’re not wrong is a revolutionary act…

… and it’s the key to growth.

The key to getting to where you want to be, in your body, in your work, and in your relationships. 

We cannot grow if we’re always wronging ourselves.

When we’re wrong we want to self-sabotage, because we’re already wrong, so why not give up and “just enjoy ourselves”?

Problem: It’s not actually enjoyable after a few hours.

When we practice unconditional positive regard toward ourselves, we naturally want to reinforce those feelings.

By approving of ourselves now, we create momentum toward what we want next.

Growth happens when we pull ourselves out of the tense cycle of shame-punishment-reward, repeat.

Good, bad, good, right, wrong – ughhh, I can’t do this anymore.

Growth happens when we notice shame and self-judgment, shift to curiosity, and rest into self-love.

I’m not implying that addicts – those experiencing an extreme example of the shame-punishment-reward cycle – just need to work on their mindset and self-love.

Self-love looks like medical treatment in those cases…

… but the treatment probably won’t stick unless the mindset shifts. 

Unless self-love is integrated.

Unless the thoughts of “I’m wrong and bad” are released, and self-approval is reinforced, a relapse is likely.

Seeing yourself as fundamentally good creates the foundation for growth.

Focusing on self-love may seem fluffy until you really feel it sink in.

Until you feel it integrated.

Until you feel the “after.”

Until you start seeing the tangible results:

  • Losing the desire to eat foods that don’t work for you.
  • Dropping compulsive behaviors without trying.
  • Effortlessly stepping out of unhealthy relationships.

When we stop making ourselves wrong, self-sabotage falls away – because we no longer have reason to punish ourselves.

We remember that we are not bad.

We are not wrong.

Morning affirmations, daily meditation, and yoga will not move the needle on their own.

Nothing can replace the practice of observing your thoughts and shifting them.

Start by simply noticing your thoughts for one full day:

The way you speak to yourself.

The way you regard yourself.

Take delight in shifting back to self-love, and relief in knowing that you are not wrong.

Even if you’re doing something that is “wrong,” it’s probably just your body’s attempt to self-regulate – to get back to the only “normal” it knows.

You are fundamentally right…

… you’ve just been trying to navigate constant, blaring messages that there’s something wrong with you. 

It’s your birthright to enjoy who you are – your very being…

To get curious about what’s not feeling good…

… and to enjoy your life – the texture of your environment, the texture of you.

Here’s a fun exercise to practice this:

Step into the shoes of someone who loves you unconditionally.

The one who compliments you on things you see as weaknesses: The part of your body you don’t like, the opinion you’re slow to share, the quirks you try to hide. 

Imagine that you were them.

What would you be thinking about you?

What would you be saying to you?

What would you be doing, as someone who loves you unconditionally?

Do that – all the time. 

Much love,
Lula